patndoris TechnoGeek

Being on the cutting edge of fabricating and otherwise naming imagined internet disorders as I am, I've found a new internet disorder. It's called MSN Disorder.

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No - that does NOT stand for Microsoft Network - it stands for Multiple Screen Name. It refers to those people (likely addicted to the internet) who have multiple screen names or logins to the same online programs (ex: instant messengers or game sites). This disorder is very difficult to diagnose for a number of reasons.

First, let me point out, this is not as widespread as some of my other imagined internet illnesses. (Like the use of literary assonance there? Ahem - that's the repetitve use of an initial vowel sound.)In fact, I have several online friends seemingly unaffected by this newly names disorder. These are the ones that can be found on most any site, under the same screen name - or a simple but required variation thereof (such as the additional or removal of an underscore in a two word name). It's never hard to find these contacts if they use the same site as you.

The opposite, but still unaffected contact, may have a different login on virtually every site. I've not yet pondered the ramifications or reasons behind this scenario - but you'll likely need to know how to find them. Sometimes they seem to tailor the screen name to the type of site, they can't remember names they've used elsewhere or perhaps it just suits their mood. I'll have to investigate that further and will likely create an appropriate made up name for it at a later time.

But back to the matter at hand - the contacts who have the regular familiar login, and a secretive two, three or more other logins to the same sites. You may find out about this only because they contact you when inadvertently using the screen name you're not supposed to know about. It's a secret disorder many people don't share (for reasons probably only known to them.)

The most common types of MSN disorder seem to be:

• Multiple Personality MSN - those who can't remember who they are at any given time and login under various screen names based on the personality in charge at the time.
• Paranoid MSN - those who are afraid you might deduce who they are so they come up with a screen name no one will figure out with them. For instance, someone who is so bad at a game they don't want you to know it's them who's been playing.
• Grandiose MSN - the opposite of Paranoid MSN - it's a person who thinks so highly of themselves (especially at gaming) they create another login under which they can lose without causing them to lose face. So, when their rating seems to do nothing but go up - suspect another screen name on a losing streak.
• OCD MSN - rare, but can happen - the person who feels they need another login "just in case" they should need it for some reason. They are compelled to create it just because they can.
• Schizophrenic MSN - those who are directed to have multiple screen names by the little voices in their head. I've found little voices each tend to like their own screen name.
• Co-Dependent MSN - those who feel they need a login very similar to someone they know so they can feel connected.
• Bi-polar MSN - Those who need a screen name under which they have lots of contacts and can have many conversations at once, and also a screen name that basically gets totally ignored.

So you see, there are many types, and when they become intertwined it becomes even harder to diagnose. You may never even know a close contact has this disorder. As of yet, I've not found a cure, and there seem to be no support groups for the affected. Somehow starting a 12-step group for people suffering from needing 2, 3, or more screen names and that's base on anonymity (much like a screen name) seems destined to perpetuate the problem. So I'm still looking for clues to a treatment for this.