patndoris.com

So one day it happens that I’m sitting quite happily, working away in my little windowless office, when the phone rings. After a brief moment of annoyance at the disturbance of my solitude, I realize it’s an internal call from one of our sales staff. For the sake of anonymity we’ll just call her SalesladyX. SalesladyX is not known for being the brightest bulb in the pack on the best of days. And she obviously does not understand my patience is easily worn out. This is almost exactly how the conversation played out.

patndoris: Hello?
SalesladyX: Hi Doris! Can you help me?

What? Do I look like the Shell Answer Man?

patndoris: Uh….ok…with what?
SalesladyX: Can you help me find Word?

OMG!…you have to be kidding me. She’s only worked here for how long? I grit my teeth and give being semi-nice a half-hearted attempt by curbing my evil desire to ask her what word she needs help finding. (Because if I did ask her - she would be completely and utterly confused and I’d have to try to un-confuse her for which I do not have anything remotely resembling the patience.)

patndoris: It’s in your programs. You know - on your computer? It’s not hidden on the network or anything.

Nope. Pretty sure Word isn’t playing hide and seek with us today. The utter and complete silence from SalesladyX clearly indicates she has no idea what I mean - so I continue, hoping when the two brain cells collide in her head they might form just a wee little spark.

patndoris: In the bottom left corner of your screen click on Start, All Programs, then look for Microsoft Office.
SalesladyX: I see Microsoft Update….uh…oh…wait…there it is Microsoft Office! Is that Word?

Pretending I don’t even hear that…

patndoris: …and when you hover over that…with your mouse…

You know that little thing you feed the cheese to? Oh wait! I didn’t say that out loud did I? Whew! No I didn’t. Good - if I had she might have taken me seriously.

patndoris:  …you will probably see Microsoft Excel, PowerPoint and Word?
SalesladyX: I see PowerPoint…and Excel…and…oh! There it is! Microsoft Word. Thank you so much.
patndoris: Uh-huh. No problem.

Now I know why IT guy is so grumpy.