Tao of Lunacy

Star light star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.

When you wish upon a star (to be read with musical lilt, but if that’s doesn’t happen automatically - click here and then click “preview"!)…..Do you ever look up on a clear night and made a wish upon a star? C?mon now, you can tell me the truth ? I won?t laugh - I promise! I?m of the (possibly delusional) belief wishes do come true. Taking each opportunity to wish on the first gleaming star I see when I walk outside at night seems like good insurance ? you never know! And if I happen to realize I’ve spied more than one star? I’ll make a wish on the brightest one and pretend I’ve not noticed the rest yet. (Stars are easily fooled you know *Wink*)

As a teenager, my dear friend Brian (last name omitted to protect the innocent who unintentionally nudged me on the twisted path to my warped mental processes) gave me wishes for gifts. As I?m getting older (no not old?just older) I?ve forgotten how many I was given, but it?s inconsequential. In true teenager fashion, all the wishes were quickly (and frivolously) used - until not a single one remained. Somehow, they all came true. I?m not sure how ? but magically it happened! (…cuing “Magic Man” by Heart).  And so, my belief in wishes was born.

Did you ever hold one end of a wishbone? Did you hold on and wish with all your might as you and your formidable fellow wisher pulled? I?m not sure, but I think there?s a mathematical formula for how to break a wishbone. (I’m pretty sure I might have seen it on an episode of Numb3rs - and if I didn’t, I probably will next season since I’m pretty sure some Hollywood producer somewhere is reading my blog in an effort to come up with fantastic story lines…Oops! Slight delusionary trajectory there).  After some intense calculations, I believe if you take the length of the bone from top to tip (squared) and subtract the square root of the distance from your fingers to that of your opponent, multiplied by the pounds per square inch of pressure you?re exerting - you will get the angle (in degrees) you need to make the snap go in your favor. Well, I don?t really know what you?ll get from that formula (except maybe a migraine) but I obviously paid enough attention in geometry and physics to make fake formulas sound relatively kinda-sorta authentic (Totally random mental association reminds me of the mathematical word problem about the monkey and the banana here.. ) Yes, yes I know - back to the snap of the wishbone. Furtively you looked to see if yours was the longer piece, secretly hoping your wish would be the one to come true.

And how bout those Magic 8 Balls? Carefully shaken, not stirred? BIG OOPS!!? that?s a martini not the 8 Ball?gently rolled and not shaken so as to get the true answer to our burning questions (really wishes in disguise are they not??) Rephrasing the same question into a positive question and an equal and opposite negative to eliminate unwanted answers virtually guarantees the desired response. One of the Laws of Wishes states ?To every wish there is an equal and opposite un-wish.? OK! OK! Credit where credit is due?I based it on Newton and his Laws of Motion. Let me see now…8 Ball says?yuppers??It is decidedly so.? “You may count on it.” I can’t tell you what I asked about but w00t! It’s gonna come true!!

Now I admit, perhaps some wishes come true for different reasons. Law #2: Force = mass * acceleration or, in wishing terms,  likelihood of wish coming true = desire to pursue * single-minded persistence. Or maybe it?s the unquestionable prerogative to change one’s mind about what one wants, negating the original wish altogether, thereby ensuring the revised one comes true. (Law #3: ?An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by a net force? or ?a wish will remain a wish until replaced by some other wish.")

Fate? Destiny? Chance? Not! Physics embodies taking tangibles and calculating unknown factors?and by my warped and twisted logic, wishes work the same way. As long as there are tangible aspects to a wish the outcome is measurable (even if only by one?s personal satisfaction). Combine the desire to satisfy the want, the persistence to pursue it, with the patience to wait for the longed for outcome ? and wishes can indeed come true.  Some people say I?m full of it…tho I’m not really sure just what IT is (…and if you believe that I’ve got a nice little piece of swamp land I’ll sell ‘ya real cheap!) They might be right! What I am full of, for sure, are amusing, albeit somewhat twisted, invented theories designed to elicit a smile (or at least a slight scratch on the head - “What is she babbling on about now?") Bet it makes you wonder…where do I come up with this stuff? I don’t think you want to know. My mind is a scary place.

One caveat: Choose your wishes carefully as you will likely end up with what you want.